When parents see something is not as it was, their child is behaving differently, they tend to say it's only a phase, it will last for a couple of days and then it will be the OK.
There is a thin line between a phase which will end soon and a new set of behavior which is not going to change, or it will take tremendous effort to "fix it".
Every once in a while a parent look to the child and says "My God, yesterday he/she way a baby"...and the clock keeps ticking, the time keeps flying, people keep chasing their careers, money, real estate, whatever they think is important, and by the time they look at their children they are already grown ups and their marriage is in bad condition.
Connecting with your children from the early begging is of crucial importance if you want to have a healthy relationship with them in the long term. The sooner you realize the time you will spend together is not that big part of the life, the better. The child will soon be on it's way and will pursue it's dreams, which is a great thing! For every young person it is healthy to live independent of the parents, to have it's own life and to create it's own destiny. Because of that it is important to raise your children to be independent and at the same time to create a link which will bond you for life.
This task is especially challenging when it comes to teenagers, when for them the time spent with the family is less important, comparing to the time spent with friends.
It is normal for every teen to strive for independence and being with friends is very important for them...just remember when you were a teen. At the same time, you as a parent, are fighting to save your relationship with them and not to lose those precious moments you have spent together as a family under one roof.
To achieve this it is important to be aware of the time you spend together! Mindfulness is a way to save the moment and be truly present in the moment. That is a challenging task and requires a good balance between working life, career, usage of tech. devices and the routine we are trying to establish to achieve all of this.
Finally we come to ways you can achieve this...
1. Take the time to be observer
One of the ways to be present in the moment is just to stop and take a couple of steps back to observe your child. They way it laughs, talks, the child scent when it hugs you, how the voice and facial expressions are changing due to different emotions, when the child is happy or sad or angry...you will notice small, yet important things, which almost no one is paying attention to.
2. No multitasking, focus on one thing only
Do your best to focus on one thing and one thing only...at least from time to time. People think someone will think good of them whey they say they are great at multitasking and they do it all the time...well guess what, no one will. Especially when it comes to parenting it is important not to multitask and to focus on one thing...your children. Take the time to be present, to play with your children, to talk to them, or just to observe them...but DON'T do anything else at that time.
3. JUC - Judging - Understanding - Criticizing
No judging - the essential thing to remember if you want a healthy relationship with your children. Even if they misbehave and do something wrong, do not judge them, on the other side, criticize their behavior, not them. You can say things like: "I love you, yet I do not like what you just said or did". It is important to understand your child, as they see things differently often. If you see the situation is about to escalate, take a deep breathe and try to understand what just happened. You can do this by talking to your child, ask questions like:"How did you feel when you did that and that", "How do you think others felt, or a specific person", ". Involve the child in decision making, do not just issue a command, you are not in the army. Ask your child how would he/she handle the situation differently, how this something could be fixed...
4. Be a child again
My wife always said I'm living my second childhood next to our two children... and she is right. I love the time I spend with them, when we play, when they paint, even if they paint my arms and legs...when I tell them stories and read them books my mother and grandmother used to read to me and my siblings. Do you remember the game Marco - Polo? Blindfolded searching for your children across the room, while they laugh and giggle...even if you could think of other ways you could spend your evening for them this is the best game ever...it was for me as well when I was a child. Think of all the games you can play together and ways to spend the time and let the child in you come out and play.
5. Set up learning time, play time, no tech time or no tech zones
Every activity has it's time and place.No tech. devices when it comes to meal time, like breakfast, lunch, dinner, is a good decision to make. Also, when a baby is small (<2 y/o) do not play cartoons or videos on TV, tablet, mobile or anywhere, to get your baby to eat the meal. If you do the food will not be in the focus, but the entertainment...which is not recommended, as the child will not process the food in the right way, the child will not get proper nourishment and calories and will develop bad habits.
6. Be aware of what you say and what you do
Children learn what you tell them and what you show them, consciously and more important subconsciously. Like a sponge they suck-up the emotion you are projecting, so if you are frustrated or angry, sad, happy, they will notice it and project it in their behavior. Recently we had some health and finance issues in the family and I was upset...even though I was not showing that, I was playing with my kids, took them to park, made pancakes, etc...my son (4 y/o) noticed. He came to me one day put his hands on my face and said "I love you dad, do not be angry, it will be alright". Even though I didn't showed how I felt my son was able to see the emotion and to feel it...
